We’re not relationship experts, and yet… This is what we teach! 

Our nervous system governs so much in our body and it is part of what creates relationship.

It’s part of what creates that co-regulatory need for an infant to be with their parent or carer.

As infants, the co-regulation and attunement that we receive (or often don’t receive) from our primary caregivers gives our developing nervous system “information” about the world around us and how we fit into it that forms the blueprint for all our adult relationships.

So, if we experience attachment ruptures and dysregulation early on in life, and these wounds are unresolved (often unconscious if they occurred preverbally), this unresolved trauma will play out in our adult relationships. 

Especially our romantic relationships. 

Earlier this year, my husband and colleague, Seth Lyon, and I sat down with senior student and practitioner mentee, Magda Bębenek, to talk about how nervous system regulation impacts our romantic relationships.

It was a great conversation, full of juicy personal and professional insights, like:

  • The parking meter story 😆 (Seth’s triggers around authority)
  • The ‘dance’ of healing your own stuff while holding space for each other
  • Why we get triggered (aka: activated) in relationship and how to recognize that
  • How being able to be your authentic self, sharing values, and liking each other is key
  • What healthy boundaries in relationships look like (vs. codependency or disconnection)

As somatic and nervous system practitioners and educators, one could say that we’re not relationship experts. 

And we don’t claim to be, either.

We’re not even teaching relationship, but we are teaching people how to be better humans.

And when humans are better, they seek out healthier relationships and get out of toxic ones. 

So, if you’re interested in learning more about how nervous system regulation impacts your romantic relationships, enjoy this video chat with myself and Seth, hosted by Magda Bębenek:

Here’s to building more regulated nervous systems, and healthier romantic relationships!

Irene & Team Lyon

PS If you’re someone who has never experienced secure attachment or a healthy romantic relationship, then be sure to watch till the end where I share the story of an older student of mine whom I met at an in-person workshop I did in the UK. She had lived most of her life in severe autonomic dysregulation and written off ever “finding love.” Spoiler alert: she did! 🙂