This week’s vlog doesn’t require a lot of introduction (but I do explore an offshoot topic in greater depth below).
If someone has negative self-talk, they know it.
They might not always catch it when it is happening because when we are neck deep in negative self-talk, we are without question living in survival stress and soaking in unresolved, often early, trauma. But a person will know that this is happening because it causes low self-esteem, a whole lot of doubt around their usefulness in life, and so on. I don’t think I need to spell it out anymore than this.
It simply sucks to be in this merry go round of negativity and the ‘depressed’ biology that comes with it.
First and foremost, in order to heal this we need to understand where this poison comes from.
I hope you take some time to watch and learn because if this doesn’t impact you it’ll impact someone you know.
[I’m super duper excited about this video as I’ve found a sneaky way to introduce you to one of my favourite online mentors Gary Vaynerchuk (I watch him daily). Plus Neo and Morpheus from the movie The Matrix make a cameo appearance. Definitely check it out!]
The other thing I talk about in this video is what our true sense of self versus our false sense of self is (aka: our true or false identity).
These are distinctions we rarely think about from a nervous system point of view, but we hear it a lot when words like ‘authenticity’ and ‘vulnerable’ are being used.
Basically, it comes down to this: if we didn’t have true cellular and biological safety in our early years, in our home life, our circumstances, in how we were parented and taken care of, we stifle and shutdown our true human biological nature; we become numb to our emotions, our creativity, our questions, our fears, and who we truly are.
Over time, how we create our reality and ourselves can become false (this is that false sense of self; the false identity), but it is not who we were designed to be. It was what we had to become so we could survive and stay in connection to our (family) system because without some sort of system to ‘care’ for us when we are young, immature, and not able to fend for ourselves, we die. So we HAD to choose this to live and survive. But that was back then.
Healing these earlier wounds means starting the process of uncovering the pains and hurts that were too much for us to take in when they happened originally. This process stings, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But unless we get to this root level, we will never realize who we truly are (that true sense of self) and that is tougher than swallowing those stings, trust me.
So we can live with those stings or continue living with chronic illness, mental anguish, failed and abusive relationships and/or the raising of kids who become adults who repeat the same stuff we and our parents dosed out, and so on.
The research, science, and practices are available for us to take in, use, and choose to become our own medicine, discover our true sense of self and really heal at the level of the nervous system.
This is the first time in history that we have had this opportunity to heal for real and become what truly authentic and vulnerable is REALLY about.
Most of us didn’t get it when were were young – so now is the time. There are zero excuses.
Given the topic of the vlog today, negative self-talk, realizing who we truly are and our potential, I thought I’d end today’s learning by reminding you that the autonomic nervous system drives the front of our bus.
Meaning: when we are living in constant survival stress and haven’t learned how to quell (de-activate and regulate) the storms of sympathetic adrenalized fight and flee responses as well as the depressions of parasympathetic shutdown responses (freeze), we cannot function at our optimal higher brain human level.
THIS is why so many people struggle with learning, school, memory, connection, relationships, parenting, and mastery of anything that requires higher level brain function and social connection functionality. We cannot rise and evolve when we are living in the lower levels of our survival instincts. It. Just. Can’t. Happen.
By being here and learning what you are learning today you/we are all headed in the right direction.
To quote child psychiatrist Bruce Perry, MD. one of my favourite authors (Born For Love. The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog):
“The gifts of our biology are a potential, not a guarantee.”
Our potential happens when we make it happen.
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Resources I Mention In The Vlog:
PERSON: Gary Vaynerchuk
VIDEO: Helicopter Parenting: A Bigger Problem Than You Realize
VLOG: Disgust. The gateway emotion for healing toxic shame
VIDEO: Why healthy shame is good for us and toxic shame isn’t
VIDEO: How to create a healthy human being starts here (it’s not what you think)
ARTICLE: How toxic shame creates the fallout we call depression
PERSON: Peter Levine
PERSON: Gabor Maté
PERSON: Bessel van der Kolk