Every day I think about childhood neglect and the faulty wiring of little people’s nervous systems.
Most of my clients are seeking out what my colleagues and I do because somewhere along the line (or along their parents line, or their grandparents line, etc.), their needs were not met.
Abuse, adversity, lack of secure attachment and misattunement — all of it gets passed on when we aren’t actively working to shift our maladaptive lineages.
The paradox right now is that we need time (and resources, meaning money*) to shift these deeply ingrained nervous system pathways — it can’t happen overnight, it can’t happen in a few months, and for those with more severe early adversity and parental neglect, it can take years to fully rewire the bad into better.
(* And sadly right now, the therapies that can rewire this stuff are not covered by the medical system, and I don’t see it being covered anytime soon.)
The care that a newborn baby needs is exquisitely challenging for even well intentioned and healthy parents.
So you can very well imagine how difficult it is for a parent who didn’t have the right conditions when they were young — when their unhealed traumas (usually from their own childhood and infancy) get resurrected — have their own children, and then the cycle continues.
And, let’s face it, us humans are pretty new at this whole child rearing thing in an industrialized and domesticated world: we no longer have the supportive, tribal communities that our genetics were designed in.
Our systems are kind of confused at what’s going on and, for many, this confusion is causing chaos.
To make matters even worse, we’ve also encouraged the parent that’s more naturally built for love and connection (the mother) to go out and work and to “make something of herself” and in doing this, our little ones are left with strangers, nannies that will eventually leave, or grandparents who are simply not robust enough for the job.